i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
