I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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