There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
