I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
