he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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