I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
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Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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