The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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