I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
