i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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