My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
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I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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