in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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