I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
