he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
