Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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