i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
