I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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