Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
