Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
