Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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