I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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