I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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