1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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