9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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