yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
