Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
