I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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