Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
