you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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