i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
