Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
