i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
