I hate your face
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
