I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
