The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
