we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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