3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
