Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
