The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
