i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
