I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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