M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
