It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
