everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
vagina is talking i cant
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
