Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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