Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
