I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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