you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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