I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
