Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
