no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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