i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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