hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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