im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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