She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
