I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
