Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
