I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
