I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize