that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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