I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
