I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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