I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
