Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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