Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
