I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
