Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
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woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
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New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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