i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
