Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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