you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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