im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
