I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
