I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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