I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
