Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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