end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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