Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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